"Best Book Set in a Dystopian Future London": Brave New World vs. Nineteen Eighty-Four
Welcome to Literary Death Match where two books engage in a fight to the death for the title of Best Book in a category arbitrarily decided by us. Up for grabs today is the title of “Best Book set in a Dystopian Future London.” And our contestants are Huxley’s Brave New World and Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four. Google will tell you this isn’t the first time these two have squared off together, but it’s certainly bound to be the bloodiest. Without further ado, let’s send it over to Mike Thackery and Tom Galbraith, who will be calling the match from Shelf Actualization Stadium.
"Best Victorian Adventure Novel Involving a Map": Treasure Island vs. King Solomon's Mines
Welcome once again to Literary Death Match, the ultimate brawl in bookish blood sports. Today’s books vie for the title of “Best Victorian Adventure Novel Involving a Map,” and squaring off for your viewing pleasure are Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island and H. Rider Haggard’s King Solomon’s Mines. Let’s send you over to Shelf Actualization Arena and Mike Thackery and Tom Galbraith, who have the call from there.
"Best Book by a Bronte Sister": Jane Eyre vs. Wuthering Heights
Welcome once again to Literary Death Match, the ultimate brawl in bookish blood sports. Today, we’re poised to make a little history as we welcome the works of two storied female authors to battle it out for the crowd. Up for grabs is the title of “Best Book by a Brontë Sister.” It’s Jane Eyre vs. Wuthering Heights, and things are about to get crazy- they may even get out of control, and thousands of fans at ShelfActualization Arena are also hoping they get just a little bit “catty.” Let’s send you that way now, to Mike Thackery and Tom Galbraith, who will be calling the match for us there.
The Return of an American Classic
No, we’re not talking about the return of the Twinkie, though that’s great news, too. We’re talking about Literary Death Match, the series of bookish bloodsport title bouts that we began hosting last year to great acclaim and not a little controversy.
We haven’t been able to say why we halted the matches until now, but we’re proud to announce this morning that a Federal Judge has thrown out the case brought by the North American Broadcasters Association on behalf of our intrepid ringside reporter, Kelly Wallace. Kelly was never a party to these vexatious proceedings, and she joins me and the rest of our production staff in celebrating this welcome victory.
Our first match will pick up where we left off, with dramatic works by Fitzgerald and Hemingway duking it out for Best Play by a Lost Generation Novelist. Look for it sometime in the next few weeks. Tickets will go fast!