On Plot Twists

In the minds of some people, literary fiction is often synonymous with plotless, boring, navel-gazing fiction. We don't pretend to speak for everything published under the lit-fic rubric, but we obviously don’t share that view about the time-honored classics, and we’re happy to stand-up and myth-bust it for you whenever we get a chance.

Yesterday there was a post at BookRiot listing generic plot twists that have kind of run their course and become eyeroll-inducing clichés. I definitely agree with their list, but it also got me thinking about some classic plot twists that have been done really well- those that have caught me off guard, anyway. Here are three that I can think of right off the top of my head. (Major spoiler warning!) Add your own in the comments.

Mistaken identity in The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald:

Tom drives Gatsby’s car as their little group heads into town and he stops to fill the tank at Wilson’s station. From the window, Tom’s illicit lover Myrtle makes the tragic association that will kill her later in the day. The group then makes the return trip back to West Egg, only this time an upset Daisy is driving Gatsby’s Rolls Royce and when Myrtle runs out to greet Tom, she is inadvertently struck and killed by the yellow car, which flees the scene.

Meanwhile, Mr. Wilson learns the runaway car belongs to Gatsby and goes looking for revenge while Tom and Daisy run off scot-free. This allows Fitzgerald to make a powerful statement about the reckless decadence of the roaring twenties, and the book becomes a classic for that reason.

Poetic coincidence in Cry, the Beloved Country, by Alan Paton:

Anglican pastor Stephen Kumalo tries in vain to work with tribal leaders to rejuvenate and save his barren village of Ixopo. But upon receiving a request for his own help, he uses all his savings to go to Johannesburg and aid his sister. While there he sets out to find Absalom, his long lost son. But just as he gets close to locating Absalom, he learns that he has been arrested for murder.

The man he killed is a white, racial justice activist whose estranged father just happens to be Mr. Jarvis, an aloof, but wealthy landowner living in the verdant hills above Ixopo. It is because of this tragic event that Jarvis posthumously comes to know his own long lost son through his political writings. He resolves to do what little he can to bring his son’s vision of racial justice to fruition. Despite losing his own child at the hands of a former Ixopo villager, he becomes the benefactor that the village always needed. Beautiful. Poetic. Read it.

Missing the forest for the trees in Around the World in 80 Days, by Jules Verne:

In order to win a £15,000 bet, Phileas Fogg and his hapless French valet set off on an adventure-filled journey around the world. Fogg’s stoic calm and Passpartout’s skills as an erstwhile acrobat pull them out of one tragic set-back after another on their unbelievable journey. Still, as they near England on the 80th day, it becomes clear that they will not arrive back at the Reform Club in time to win the bet, and Fogg has resigned himself to failure and bankruptcy.

It is then that Passpartout learns that they had not taken the International Date Line into account, and that Fogg still has a few minutes to race to the Reform Club and win the bet. Verne definitely jumped the shark at a couple points in this novel, but I have to say I didn’t see that final twist coming.


Huxley’s Brave New World and Orwell’s 1984 are two others that deliver interesting twists, but since those two books are soon to square off as our first Literary Deathmatch contestants, we’ll leave them for another day. What other works of literary fiction have delivered amazing twists?

Ummm... What?

I've been very kind to Faulkner lately, so before I give him a well-deserved rest, I thought it might be a good time to thump him on the head just once. You tell me: What recreational drug was he abusing when he penned the following literary lemon:

In a strange room you must empty yourself for sleep, and before you are emptied for sleep, what are you? And when you are emptied for sleep, you are not, and when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not. Jewel knows he is, because he does not know that he does not know whether he is or not. He cannot empty himself for sleep because he is not what he is, and he is what he is not… And since sleep is is not, and rain and wind are was, it is not. Yet the wagon is, because when the wagon is was, Addy Bundren will not be. And Jewel is, so Addy bundren must be, and then I must be, or I could not empty myself for sleep in a strange room. And so, if I am not emptied yet, I am is.

Unbearable Lightness?

We all have a handful of unread books that sit in the far corners of our minds simply waiting to be read. Books that beg to be read. Books that hit our consciousness from time to time, when we hear the book mentioned in conversation, or see someone reading the book on the subway. And in those moments, we think again "I have to read that book."

One such book for me was The Unbearable Lightness of Being, by the Czech writer Milan Kundera. I vaguely remember that the first time I learned of this book was on a train the north of Spain. That title alone grabbed me from the outset. It's perhaps one of the best titles I have ever stumbled across: The Unbearable Lightness of Being.

Unfortunately though, for me the novel didn't stand up to the ecstasy of the title. I was disappointed. The plot was endlessly circular (Tomas sleeps with Woman A, then Woman B, but feeling bad, returns to Woman A, but then is drawn again to Woman B . . . and then repeat a dozen times). And the writing was too sparse, and not 'sparse' in an artistic way, but sparse in a very non-interesting way. Supposedly, the book is rife with philosophical themes, but against the backdrop of uninteresting writing and an even more uninteresting plot, the themes fell by the wayside.

So here is the tragedy of the situation: I looked forward for well over 5 years to finally reading this book. Whenever I heard it mentioned, I'd think "yes, that has to be a solid novel." My forbearance would pay off when I could finally dive deep into the text. But you know how the story ends. The book didn't do anything for me.

It's like telling a child that you'll take him to Disneyland next year, and he savors it for 12 solid months, he imagines what it will be like, he ponders the adventures he'll have, the storybook food he'll eat, and the magic day he'll have. And then the day arrives, and the lines are long and the weather is hot and humid and Disneyland is crowded as hell.

Does this ever happen to anyone else? Or am I alone in my misery?

Can your old book do this?

I don't pretend to hide my preference for older books, or deny my admiration for the tried and true. But that doesn't mean I don't know "cool" when I see it. Hover your mouse over this book cover (courtesy of Walker Books) to see what I mean. It's mesmerizing. I defy you to make just one pass...

From the Pen of William Faulkner

I’ve talked about what makes a line of prose really jump out at me here. But in my ongoing search for prose perfection I figured I’d start sharing some of the passages that have smacked me between the eyes like a transcendent two-by-four of late. Here’s a sampling from Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying. All emphasis is mine:

"They stand in rigid, terrific hiatus, the horse trembling and groaning. Then Jewel is on the horse’s back. He flows upward in a swooping swirl, like the lash of a whip, his body in mid-air, shaped to the horse. For another moment the horse stands sprattled, with lowered head, before it bursts into motion. They descend the hill in a series of spine-jolting jumps, Jewel high, leach-like on the withers, to the fence where the horse bunches to a scuttering halt again."

"Back-running, tunneled between the two sets of bobbing mule ears, the road vanishes beneath the wagon as though it were a ribbon, and the front axle were a spool."

"The sun, an hour above the horizon, is poised like a bloody egg upon a crest of thunderheads. The light has turned copper, in the eye portentous, in the nose sulfurous, smelling of lightning."

"When I reach the front he is struggling with Gillespie, the one lean in underclothes, the other stark naked. They are like two figures in a Greek frieze, isolated out of all reality by the red glare."

How about you? What’s the best line you’ve come across in recent reading?

Shelf Actualization: One Month In

Well, it’s been exactly one month since we reached launch velocity here at ShelfActualization.com. And over the course of 37 posts, we’ve tried to make good on our bluster about becoming your home on the web for low-falutin literary delights and your gateway drug for literary fiction. As you can see above, we’ve already highlighted some amazing authors, and dozens of others have been mentioned along the way. And there’s a lot more to come.

But the one month mark seems like an appropriate time to take stock and see what you like about out little corner of the web, and maybe some of what you don’t (as if!).

But first, a reminder about what ShelfActualization is: It’s a place where three regular dudes unload their literary views on the world absolutely free of charge. What it isn’t, is a clearinghouse for three already-popular lit/book/publishing bloggers to combine their wits and established audiences in becoming a major force in the world of literature.

Still, things have gone better than we predicted. We’ve seen a few thousand more pageviews than we expected this early, and we’ve had readers pop up in some truly out-of-the-way places (Doha and Dominica? Lahaina and Ljubljana?) We certainly didn’t expect to garner eyeballs in all six permanently-inhabited continents (What’s wrong with you, Antarctica? Don’t you people ever surf the web between taking ice-core samples and astronomical observations?).

But the reception has been a warm one, and we want to thank all of you who have commented, emailed, participated in contests and just taken a few moments to check out the site.

We’d love to hear your thoughts about ShelfActualization so far. What, if anything, has resonated with you? What has been just “…meh?” We’ve done book reviews, original research, made reading suggestions, offered our own reading reactions, and everything in between.

Perhaps you’ve enjoyed some of our regular features like First Line Fridays, our Haiku-ption Contests or our holiday fiction offerings. If none of those float your boat, keep an eye out for some others we’ll be rolling out in the near future: Poet’s Corner, TraveLit and yes, even Literary Deathmatches.

So tell us what you think. What would you like to see more of? Less of? Etc.? Fire away.

NaNoWriMo Wrap-up: Interview with Natalie Field

This is the fourth of four interviews we conducted with 2011 NaNoWriMo winners:

Hi Natalie, what's your idea of great literary fiction?

A good example of what I think is good literary fiction is S.E. Hinton's book The Outsiders. I don't know how many people would classify The Outsiders as LitFic, but I do. In my opinion, in order for something to be literary fiction, it must be a novel that points something out about humans. It has to have a message. Often that's why you'll hear writers who are attempting literary fiction say that their antagonist is society. The Outsider's plot is purely character driven, and the book says something about people, as all LitFic should. It is probably my favourite book I've read in a long time.

NaNoWriMo Wrap-up: Interview with Jason Black

This is the third of four interviews we conducted with 2011 NaNoWriMo winners:

Hey Jason, if you would, tell us a little bit about yourself:

I'm an ex-techie guy who has fled the software industry for a life of fiction, which happened when I discovered that writing novels was a heck of a lot more fun than writing software documentation. These days, I spend most of my time as a "book doctor," a freelance editor who does literary analysis for a living. Basically, I do for independent and aspiring authors what a good agent or publishing house editor does for authors under contract: help them bring the core of their story into its truest possible form.

NaNoWriMo Wrap-up: Interview with Mike Kroll

This is the second of four interviews we conducted with 2011 NaNoWriMo winners.

Hi Mike. Why don't you start off by telling us what your idea of great literary fiction is:

Great literary fiction, in my opinion, is a work that tells both a story, as well as draws the reader into a way of thinking that enlightens their own lives. Some fantastic examples of this would be Scarlett Thomas' The End of Mr. Y. It incorporates both quantum physics, classic literature, and the power of the mind into an original and engaging plot.

NaNoWriMo Wrap-Up: Interview with Fiona Webster

This is the first of four interviews we conducted with 2011 NaNoWriMo winners.

Hi Fiona, tell us a just little bit about yourself:

I'm a 56-year-old retired physician—originally from Houston but now living In Greenbelt, Maryland, just outside of DC. I've been married to the same guy, a ponytailed botanist, for 33 years. We have no kids, by choice; our current feline companion is a black oriental shorthair named Annabel Lee. I've been on the Internet for 22 years, always with the same two letters (fi) before my @ sign. My longtime ruling passions are the music/art/writing of Patti Smith, horror literature, splatter cinema, fish (especially sharks), sailing, and science. I spend my time, when not writing, doing mail art: mostly collage postcards, but also decorated envelopes containing long letters written with a fountain pen or typed on a World War II correspondent's portable, all mailed with vintage postage.

NaNoWriMo Wrap-Up

While those of us here at ShelfActualization.com spent the month of November getting this wonderful site off the ground, thousands of other intrepid, book-minded souls were busy throwing their blood, sweat and tears into a different kind of literary endeavor: National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, for short.

Their goal? To write a 50,000 word novel in the thirty days between October and December.

"What?" You ask. "An entire novel in 30 days or less? It can’t be done."

Oh, but it has. Lots of times.

Even some great works of literature have been mid-wifed into existence in less time than NaNoWriMo gives its eager participants. Jack Kerouac famously hammered out On the Road on a 120-foot scroll of teletype paper in just three weeks’ time. Dostoevsky’s The Gambler was completed in just 26 days, and though its’ a short work, it happens to have been tackled as a side project while the author was busy writing Crime and Punishment. Not too shabby.

And Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was scratched off in just 6 days! Yeah, you’ll tell me, but the thing’s only about 100 pages long. That’s true, but at Stevenson’s pace, an entire month's work would have yielded a 500 page book of roughly 125,000 words. So, it is definitely doable.

Last year, 30,000 NaNoWriMo participants crossed the 50K word mark. This year’s writers banged out over 3 Billion words in their mad dash to the finish line. And it’s not all crap, either. Some notable recent winners, such as Sara Gruen (Water for Elephants) and Erin Morgestern (The Night Circus) have gone on to successful publication.

So, as the month drew to a close I wandered over to the literary fiction section of the NaNoWriMo forums to see if anyone would be interested in telling us about their experiences. I’m happy to report that volunteers were not lacking. So for the rest of the day, I’ll be posting our quick interviews with four of them. Stay tuned…

First Line Friday!

I’ve felt stymied this week, bogged down, stuck in a rut. So, I’m putting a negative spin on this week’s “First Line Friday.” I want to showcase what, in my mind, is arguably one of the weakest, most ineffective first lines that I have ever read (for a critically acclaimed novel, at that!).

“See the boy.”

In case you missed it, that’s the first line: “See the boy.” That’s it. And guess who wrote it?

Cormac McCarthy in Blood Meridian, one of the richest, most insanely beautiful novels ever written. And yet, the first line is extremely lacking. It’s too plain, too Biblical, too meaningless. “See the boy.” Ok, I’ll see him. What’s the big deal? There is no implementation of any language that is intriguing in the least.

But I suppose that that's how life is sometimes . . . simply lacking.

In Colum McCann’s solid novel Let the Great World Spin, he states “good days, they come around the oddest corners.” Well, it’s the same with first lines. I fully expected Blood Meridian to have a drop-dead amazing first line. But it couldn’t be further from the truth.

But to be fair, the rest of Blood Meridian more than makes up for a blasé first line.

Write what you know

The first rule of creative writing is "write what you know." Don't try to write exotic tales set in Renaissance Italy, write about things, places, and people that are part of your life.

In general, I think that advice is sound. Faulkner is the greatest because he imbues his small, Southern universe with universal humanity. Steinbeck does the same with rural California. Joyce with catholic Ireland. And so on.

But it seems that modern American "high literature" is much more narrow than that of the past. Instead of taking the reader to rural California, fictional Mississippi, or the depressing Pacific Northwest (Carver), the reader always ends up in either New York City or a college English professor's office. The universe of settings and motifs has seemed to shrink, not expand, with globalization. Part of me thinks this has to do with the "write what you know" commandment. If all American writers today are university professors or New York City residents, what else can they write about? Maybe we need to find ways to support writers who have jobs other than pointy-nosed professor or Brooklyn hipster.

I, like Tucker, am somewhat ambivalent about Jonathan Franzen's Freedom. Part of my ambivalence is that the book, while very not short, seems narrow in its impact. It doesn't touch the pulse of the country in the same way that Faulkner or Steinbeck do. The book reveals much about modern life in NYC, but maybe not as much outside of it. Even though half of the book is set in Minnesota, is seems that the denizens of that frozen tundra are really NYC residents - they just don't know it yet.

I'd love suggestions on new (last decade) American literature that breaks with the academic NYC mold. My personal favorite is Marilyn Robinson who writes about small-town midwestern women. But Marilyn doesn't exactly break the mold - she's a professor at Iowa.

Haiku-ption Contest #2

It's that time again. Previous rounds can be found here. My entry is below, yours are in the comments. Away we go...

Jonesin'

Oooh! Lemme out here.

I've got a bad hankering

For a 'dog with kraut.

Bring it in the comments!

Photo courtesy of Retronaut

Re-reading Faulkner



The other day I did something I almost never do. I reread a book. Here’s how it happened.

I was coming to the close of William Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying (an audiobook, on my way to work, so I had no idea when the book was going to end) when the final line absolutely punched me in the face. After sharing an exasperated “WHA?!” with the laptop bag sitting in the passenger seat, I immediately pulled up track #1 and started the whole thing again. It was the first time I’ve reread a book in years.

A little background for those who aren’t familiar with the book: Anse Bundren is an incompetent and lazy ne’erdowell of a character who constantly complains that he “wouldn’t be beholden to no man,” but who in reality is beholden to everyone around him. This is a man who not only drives his kids across a raging river in a quixotic quest to carry his wife’s coffin to her home town for burial, but who deals with the numerous setbacks along the journey by riding roughshod over every other member of his family.

He sells Jewel’s horse (his one prized possession), takes Cash’s money and sets his broken leg in cement to save a trip to the doctor, has Darl committed to a mental institution, and takes the money Dewey Dell has hidden away to end an unwanted pregnancy. Still, the reader is almost willing to excuse this obviously broken man of all his imperfections, because he is trying for once in his life to do the noble thing and carry out his late wife’s last request. That is, until the closing lines smack you over the head.

When he shows up for the journey home with his long-coveted set of false teeth and a brand new woman in tow (An old acquaintance? A relative of his wife’s?), one starts to question the whole premise of the story. And when Anse speaks the final words that bring the novel to a close, the reader realizes there never was a single shred of nobility anywhere in him:

 “Meet Mrs. Bundren,” he says.

Those final words cast a dark shadow over the entire novel. I had to go back immediately and reread the book through this new prism to see what I had missed.

I rarely reread anything, and can’t say that I’ll make it a practice. But with this book in particular, a stream-of-consciousness tale told from the heads of fifteen narrators with a slightly jumbled timeline, I was absolutely floored by the amount of color and texture and depth that had gone unnoticed on my first pass through the book. Maybe I agree with Nabokov on the subject of re-readings after all. 

What about you? Do you reread? And if so, what are the books that have made the second cut?



The Art of the Pseudonym

There have been a number of articles and blog posts on the subject of pen names. This post is not meant to rehash the various reasons for adopting a pseudonym or to examine the foibles of doing so in today’s social media environment. Rather, we examine the pen name as a venerable literary tradition and explore the customary methods of concocting one. That’s where all the fun is anyway.

From tiny tweaks to complete re-inventions of character, authorial aliases have always run the gamut. Some writers change only their last name- John Irving, instead of Blunt- while others tinker only with their first name- Cormack, instead of Charles McCarthy.

Some pick and choose some combination of names from the abundant mouthfuls of syllables written on their birth certificates. Joseph Conrad and Anatole France come to mind (born Józef Teodor Konrad Korzeniowski and Jacques Anatole François Thibault, respectively).

Some, regardless of name length, have decided to throw the whole thing out and start over from scratch. Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), Aynd Rand (Alisa Rosenbaum) and George Orwell (Eric Blair) are examples of this school.

Still others combine this wholesale change philosophy and go one step simpler than Conrad and France by assuming an elegant, one-word handle. Voltaire and Stendhal, you’ll readily agree, are infinitely cooler monikers than François-Marie Arouet and Marie-Henri Beyle. But using a one-word pen name to dial the bad-boy quotient up to 11 probably isn’t for everyone- especially in this age of mononymous pop-stars.

Then, of course, you’ve got your gender benders. There were the Bell brothers, Acton and Ellis and Currer, who turned out to be the Brontë sisters, Anne and Charlotte and Emily. But in that day there were lots of women who guessed they’d sell better as men. George Eliot (Mary Anne Evans) was one. George Sand (Amandine Aurore Lucile Dupin) was another. This second faux-George not only took on a dude’s name, but attracted sideways glances by sporting men’s clothing, as well.

You’ve also got your androgynous initial-takers: S.E. Hinton (Susan Eloise) and J.K. Rowling (Joanne, no middle name) among them. And I would include J.D. Robb in this group if that author didn’t already headline a more curious head-scratcher of a category: pen names that have absolutely no purpose. {The J.D. Robb books I’ve come across are all marketed with the confusing cover attribution “Nora Roberts, writing as J.D. Robb.” I get that Penguin is trying to cross-sell to her original audience, but the whole thing seems a little cock-eyed. That’s like going to see a movie because the poster says, “Steven Spielberg, directing as Marv Perkins.”}

But even allowing for some stinkers like the Robb alias, I’m an avowed fan of pseudonyms and love few things more than conjuring them up. I used to pen satirical poems for open-mic poetry night under the mysterious nom de guerre of Mt. Kenmore. Was it a name? An abbreviation? A mistyped acronym or initials? Was I merely the offspring of eccentric parents? Those questions and more were the burden of my audience and bolstered my black-turtle-necked mystique.

So, if you find yourself in need of an eponym, I’ll offer what little advice I can.

The following are what I consider to be poor motives in constructing your name:

·         Choosing Aaron or Aikworth as a last name, in the vain hope that you’ll one day appear on the top shelf of the bookstore’s fiction section.   Lame.   This isn’t the yellow pages. If you’re book is worth finding, people will search for it.

·         Choosing a name so close to that of a famous author that you can’t help but be seen together on the same shelf. There’s almost zero chance I’m going to pick up a book by Zachary Faulkins, just because I’m searching for William Faulkner and happen to see it in the vicinity.

·         Choosing a name that is evocative of a famous author in the hopes their shine will rub off on you. If you’re planning to write under the name of T.S. Fitzhemingjoyce or Leo Nabokstoevsky, you’d probably better be in the humor section.

So what criteria should you choose as you construct your pen name? There is really only one:

·         Make it cool.  It’s a pen name, for crying out loud. It’s your one chance to throw off the chains of being Harold Snodgrass and become Alistair Gilchrist, Emory Stanton, Thibadeaux Sykes or Jewett McFadden. (See? I could do this all day!)

So blow it up in the comments. What are the coolest pen names you can come up with?

The Science of Powerful Prose

-from Strunk and White's Elements of Style

I read quite a bit. And with almost two hours of commuting every day, I listen to a lot of audio books. But whether I’m reading or listening, I often come across a passage so good that it stops me dead in my tracks, and while I fumble for the rewind button or take another pass with my eyes, all I can do is mutter some astonished and appreciative puff of air, and hope in vain that I can write like that someday.

But how does one write like that? There’s got to be some trick to it- some science behind the effect- whether the author masters it consciously or not.

Lots of intangibles fall into this hard-to-describe, "I know it when I see it" category: physical attraction, musical beauty, humor... We're coming to know, for example, that facial beauty has something to do with our expectations of symmetry and proportion. Musical combinations strike us as consonant or dissonant based on the intervals between the notes’ frequencies. We seem to find humor in things that violate our social norms without threatening us or our worldviews.

Scientists in various fields are delving into all of these mysteries. But I’ve never seen the study that’s tried to unravel the secret of breathtaking prose, and even Strunk & White seem to be at a loss to explain it:

“Here we leave solid ground. Who can confidently say what ignites a certain combination of words, causing them to explode in the mind? Who knows why certain notes in music are capable of stirring the listener deeply, though the same notes slightly rearranged are impotent?”

Who indeed.

Still, there has to be some explanation. There’s got to be some way, if not to prescribe good writing, at least to describe it when you see it.

Aristotle taught that good dramatic endings had to deliver an air of both surprise and inevitability. I think there's something to that concept that applies to memorable prose, as well.

My best guess is that for a line to really jump out at you, it has to provide a striking contrast with the lines that surround it (it has to surprise), and paint such a perfect picture, that in hindsight you can’t imagine it having been put any better way (it has to feel inevitable). Most, if not all of the jaw-dropping lines I've come across would measure up to that standard pretty comfortably.

That’s my working theory, anyway. What’s yours?

Don't Quit Your Day Job

Lapham's Quarterly recently ran an interesting chart detailing the day jobs enjoyed (or endured) by a few famous authors. It's worth a look:

It's a pretty odd assortment, to be sure. But it got me thinking about day jobs in general. There are a handful of professions that seem to creep up in the bios of a lot of famous authors. I think I may just do a series on some of the most common ones. Stay tuned...

In the meantime, what's the craziest day job you've ever held? Shelf Actualizer Orlando and I once served as hot-dog, nacho and churro mongers in a municipal swimming pool snack shop. Yep. I have lived the dream.

Contest Follow-up

There was no prize announced, and no timeline for entering, but since we’re about a week out from our next Haiku-ption contest, I thought we better determine a winner from contest #1. This, you’ll remember, was the inspirational prompt:

And these were the entries:

1.

We talk of baseball

Jones, perched on his stool, and I,

Elbow deep in cow

2.

Go to school, dad said.

Or you’ll end up sweeping streets.

(I’d kill for that now)

3.

Damnit, where is it?

Why did I not remove my

Fraternity ring?!

4.

Some don’t like pipe smoke

Sometimes, I clamp my pipe tight

Pipe smoke beats some smells

5.

I still hate my job

My resume says it all

Cow proctology

6.

In college I bragged,

"Yessir, I'll get tail. You'll see!

I'll even get paid!"

7.

Shit in a Shovel

And an uncomfortable cow

All in a day's work

8.

Mid America

Cow Anus in Black and White

Privacy Foregone

9.

Two men and a cow.

Both rest their limbs on a stool.

Earl drew the short straw.

10.

-"It'll never work."

--"They said that about the mule."

-"You're an idiot!"

11.

This is why pigs say:

All men are enemies, all

animals comrades.

The results were intriguing, to say the least. Some entries were descriptive (1), some historically researched (10), some evocative of extreme bad luck (2,3,5,9). Some treated the obvious subject lightly (4) and some made a farce of it (6). Some were thematically true to the art of haiku, with separate, short glimpses that painted a full picture (7,8). But when I look at them all together, there’s really one clear winner that emerges for me:  Entry #11.

First of all, it was the only haiku to take the animal’s point of view. So, kudos for that. But what’s more, the author even managed to quote George Orwell’s Animal Farm almost verbatim- taking us full circle back to literature. An impressive effort.

Which are your favorites?

Leed la Revolucion!!!

Thanks to the cascading revenue stream that is this blog, I'm taking an all-expenses paid trip to Cuba next week. I feel like Hemingway, only without the shotguns, sadness, and sexism.

Last night I went to my local library to check out some guidebooks. While there, I glanced at potential literary companions for my Lonely Planets. But I suck at picking travel lit - I always end up with some bizarre combination of book and locale. Help from our global readers would be appreciated.

Here are the options as I see them:

1. SETTING-BASED READ - Reading a classic English-language novel set in the current location. For instance, reading The Sun Also Rises in Spain, The Quiet American in Vietnam, or New Moon in Forks, Washington.
Pros: You know what to expect - a fantastic read. The setting pops even more when you are there.
Cons: It feels a little contrived. If I'm going to re-read The Old Man and the Sea, I might as well be taking a "Hemingway Bus Tour."

2. AUTHOR-BASED READ - I could read the classics in Cuban literature. Alejo Carpentier is considered the greatest Cuban novelist of our time.
Pros: This seems a more authentic choice than the prior one; less anthropological. It can set up the emotional nature of a country.
Cons: Reading foreign novelists, while often rewarding, can be deceptively difficult. While I like Murakami and Pamuk, I can't shake the feeling that my foreignness holds me back from embracing their core.

3. BEACH READ - I can always say, "screw it, I'm going to read about Girls with Dragons for Tattoos."
Pros: Easy read. I can pick up the book on my layover in Des Moines.
Cons: Why am I wasting my time in (amazing foreign locale) reading this again?

4. HISTORICAL READ - Learn about that time that Che and Fidel played a round of golf after right after they did the revolution.
Pros: Informative; educational; substantial.
Cons: Informative; educational; substantial (while in amazing foreign locale)

First Line Friday!

It’s time for “First Line Friday” again!

So, turns out that perhaps the most buzzed novel of the last several years, Freedom by Jonathan Franzen, actually has a pretty stunning first line:

'The news about Walter Berglund wasn’t picked up locally - he and Patty had moved away to Washington two years earlier and meant nothing to St. Paul now - but the urban gentry of Ramsey Hill were not so loyal to their city as not to read the New York Times.'

Read it again slowly, as if it’s all you have to depict the purpose of the novel. Here is what I love about this first line:

• I love the name Walter Berglund. Not sure why. It’s cumbersome, to be sure, but it sticks. Walter Berglund. Sounds American. Sounds like a protagonist.
• I love how much this sentence says: There is a guy named Walter, he had a wife named Patty, they had lived in St. Paul, then moved to DC, and there is some unforeseen “news” that we’ll learn about later in the novel. It’s actually quite a lot of information for one line, but it’s smooth and eloquent. Not unruly or overly burdensome.
• I love the phrase “the urban gentry of Ramsey Hill.” The phrase so accurately depicts white people coasting through St. Paul in an Audi on their way to Starbucks prior to attending their daughter’s lacrosse game. It says all of that in 6 words: The Urban Gentry of Ramsey Hill. Love it.

As for the rest of the novel, I am still torn almost a year after reading it. It has glimpses of greatness, but also has lulls of meaningless. But that’s a topic for another post.

Just enjoy the first line today.

A Quick Holiday Gift-Giving Guide

I know, I know, I know...

I know what you're thinking. Why would anyone need to look any further than the Shelf Actualization Shopping Page for their Holiday gift-giving needs? I get it, I really do. We have some awesome T-shirts:

But what if you're the second or third person to buy someone a Shelf Actualization T-shirt this year? (This happens all the time.) Do you really want to be that guy? You see where I'm going with this.

So, we've pulled together a few other ideas for booklovers everywhere. Read on.

If you're bound and dertermined to give a T-shirt to a loved one, might we suggest you take a look at Out of Print Clothing? They have an awesome array of vintage book-cover Ts for men, women and children.

Plus coasters, phone cases, eReader jackets and more. And for each product sold, a book is donated to a community in need. Pretty cool.

And speaking of books, why not give some of them away? I'm not talking about the overhyped stuff on the front tables of your local bookstore. I'm talking interesting books they won't get anywhere else. You can take advantage of Dalkey Archive Press's amazing Holiday Sale. They are offering any 10 books for $65, and any 20 books for $120- shipping included. Tucker's reading one right now.

Or you could give the gift of early adoption. Why not get that special someone the hot new eReader?

              

Or, you may want to go for something truly unique. You could pick up a "literary scent" from the good folks at I Hate Perfume (H/T to BookRiot). Choose from In The Library, a scent that "is a warm blend of English Novel, Russian & Morrocan leather bindings, worn cloth and a hint of wood polish," or A Room With A View, which "captures the scent of the hills above Florence- the vineyards, the wild grass, the finocchio, the hot dusty Florentine earth. And of course a torrent of Violets...

And if you don't find what you need there, there's no end to unique gifts for booklovers on Etsy. Here's a smattering from my ten minutes of dedicated research:
 The Catcher in the Rye Recycled Book Bracelet:

The To Kill A Mockingbird Book Purse:

The book bag that simultaneously pays homage to War and Peace and Sir Mix-a-lot:

You've got your Vintage Book clocks:

Your Vintage book rings of all sorts:

The Love-worn Book Necklace:

And finally, what library is truly complete without a hollow book safe?

Seriously, a hollow book safe. How cool would it be if Santa brought you one of those? If only my wife followed this blog...

What will you be getting your bookish friends and relatives?